Do You Have The Hide Of A Rhinoceros?

Artists: How do we thicken our hides while we also open our souls?

At a songwriting retreat I recently attended, I heard a quote from Stella Adler:

“An actor must have the soul of a rose and the hide of a rhinoceros”

This advice, while directed at actors, applies to anyone pursuing an artistic life. Since that retreat, I’ve adopted it as my mantra for singing and songwriting.

Why? Because sharing your art with the world means inviting feedback. And feedback, as we all know, is a mixed bag.

The Beauty of Kind Feedback

When the feedback is positive, it’s like catching a tailwind. Some of the kindest things I’ve heard about my music include:

• Simple yet heartfelt comments like, "I really like your voice."

• "Your voice is distinct — and that’s a good thing!"

• "You sound authentic and real."

• Comparisons to legends like Randy Newman, Ray Charles, Tom Waits, Joe Cocker, and Bill Withers. (I don’t quite hear the Randy Newman thing but I’ll take it).

These kinds of responses are rewarding to hear. They validate all my hard work and the vulnerability it takes to create and share my songs. Strangers’ remarks often feel more genuine than those from friends or family, who may lean toward encouragement to avoid hurting feelings.

The Sting of Criticism

Of course, not all feedback lifts you up. Sometimes, it’s a little different….

• "You sound a bit pitchy."

• "Have you ever had a voice lesson? That might help."

• Or worse, a blank stare or the non-feedback of silence.

Even as someone who’s more resilient now than in my 20s and 30s, these moments still stick around a bit. Neuroscience tells us why: our brains are wired to focus on negatives, honing in on what needs improvement for survival. While that wiring can drive us to grow, it can also leave us carrying critical comments around like unwanted baggage.

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Building the Rhinoceros Hide

The trick is learning how to stay open to growth without letting negativity crush your spirit. This means actively developing a thicker skin — a rhinoceros hide — while keeping your inner rose intact. Here are some strategies that have worked for me:

1. Know your why: Stay grounded in your reason(s) for creating. Your art doesn’t need to please everyone. The most popular song in the world is adored by less than 1% of our population.

2. Learn to sift: Not all feedback deserves equal weight. Identify what’s constructive and let the rest fall away. Be careful not to take on other’s baggage or limited view of art.

3. Find your champions: Surround yourself with people who offer thoughtful critique rather than empty praise or harsh criticism.

4. Focus on impact: Remember that evoking emotion is the goal of art. Stirring up a reaction, good or bad, is better than indifference. It’s also about your experience and release, which may not be received well by others (gotta find your audience!)

5. Celebrate your wins: Whether it’s a compliment from a stranger or just hitting a personal milestone, acknowledge the positives. I have a folder called “Fan Mail” where I print out emails and screenshots of comments that people make about my music. Sometimes, when I’m feeling low, I sit down with a good cup of tea and leaf through these supportive words.

Why Feedback Matters

Art exists to provoke thought, feeling, and connection. Silence may be golden in some contexts, but not when it comes to feedback. As artists, we thrive on the energy our work generates, whether it’s admiration, critique, or even discomfort. A meaningful reaction — good, bad, or otherwise — validates that we’ve touched something real.

So, do you have the hide of a rhinoceros? And how do you maintain it without losing the sensitivity that makes your work meaningful?

Let’s keep the conversation going. Share your experiences with feedback and how you’ve balanced resilience and vulnerability in your creative life.

Share your story: How do you handle feedback as an artist? Leave a comment below or reply to this post.