In Creative Life, Frustration is Part of the Game
Often we think frustration is a sign that we've failed or that we cannot do something. Can you learn to embrace frustration as a signal that you are working on something great instead?
I wanted to share a few thoughts on frustration since it is a part of daily life.
Frustration is part of the anger family of emotions.
It’s important to remember that anger means that you care about something.
Can you take some solace in that?
What if you can reframe your frustration as a way to see how much you care about whatever it is that you are working on?
Maybe the story goes like this: You care so much that you are annoyed and frustrated to the point that you want to stop. It’s so tempting to give up but something won’t let you. That’s passion in disguise!
When something is not going as you’d hoped or is harder than you expected, it can be very demotivating.
What if you can see this in a new way: What if you are dancing with passion?
Could frustration be a bit more exciting?
A Meaningful Dance
It can also be helpful to define what you are chasing by defining the final result. In other words: Can you add more meaning to your dance?
What will your life be like once the frustration dance is over?
Will you have a new skill or ability?
Will you acquire something that you don’t have?
Will you be able to share something special?
Will you …. ?
By having a clearer definition around what you will gain or experience by working through the frustration, you can make the dance a bit sweeter.
It can also minimize the negative around the frustration.
Here’s an example from my songwriting:
I’ve got a several different songs that I’m having trouble completing the lyrics to. I got so stuck that I moved on to another song. Then another, and yet another. Now I have a pile of incomplete songs (and a notebook full of potential lyrics falling apart from strain).
I feel that I have some great music written for each of these songs. And yet, I just can’t figure out how all the verses work together and how the form will be. I often struggle with structure.
While dancing with frustration, I have tried all the methods I know. I’ve gone for long walks alone with the music playing endlessly in my headphones. I’ve given it a rest and come back to it. I’ve used a rhyme dictionary. You name it, I’ve tried it. And they still aren’t done. It’s so aggrivating to me as I feel this batch of songs represents my best work yet. The messages and emotions in these songs are touching to me and I think will be loved by others. And so…
I continue to dance.
I am writing today to let you know that we have to learn to love our nasty, annoying, tantrum-inducing dance with our friend Frustration who teaches us what we care about.
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Here’s a video I made after I wrote this post and thought I would share it here in case it is helpful. Let me know what you think!
Great post Dave and I appreciate the included video.
I had an interesting experience with frustration recently writing my latest new song. I was sitting in the quiet of my cabin with my guitar chords and a few lines wondering where it might go when my dog started barking incessantly off in the woods but close enough I could not not hear it and I thought, “geez, I wish I could stop her” but she’s a guard dog just doing her job and I knew there was no way I was going to talk her out of what she had going on. So I came into acceptance about it, both the dog and my frustration in that moment…..thinking I needed something to change, Ha!. Yep, there you are Frustration. Once I came into acceptance I was quickly able to shift and chose to just listen to her and find something I could appreciate or like about her barking. Next thing I knew I had the next line for my song! That barking dog became a gift, a spark for creativity and I knew when I put her in there it was going to be a great song. Well, I think its a great song….which is all that matters, right.😉
Nice post, Dave. Important to frame these emotions not as roadblocks, but road signs.
I used to have epic tantrums. Now my toddler has them. I suppose frustration (and the intensity with which I experience it) is just part of who I am. But what I'm still learning is how to handle frustration. How to cope, bend, twist, dodge, push back, dance, breathe, or relax in the face of the storm. For a long time I used my body to throw myself into a raging fit. Then, I think, I learned to concentrate that into the force of hitting something. I still do that from time to time. Later, I learned to numb the emotion with books, movies, video games, or just my imagination. Hopefully I will learn to ask what's underneath the frustration (as you say: what do I care about so much?) and transform that into creative work. Still working on it!